How To Think About Your Thinking

Why 'Think Positive' Misses the Point—and What to Do Instead

Oh, our thoughts. They’re constant. Sometimes they float by like harmless clouds, and other times they demand our full attention. Strangely, we often either ignore our thoughts or act on them impulsively—without much actual thought. But thoughts are powerful. They help us take action, solve complex problems, and move forward in life. Our ability to think abstractly and consciously is one of the biggest things that separates us from other species.

Great inventions, philosophical breakthroughs, and moral reasoning all require deep thought. But thoughts can also be our biggest stumbling blocks, especially when they go unchecked. They can create spirals, fuel self-doubt, and reinforce unhealthy patterns. In fact, thoughts play a central role in many mental health conditions—depression, anxiety, ADHD, OCD, BPD, and more.

Take anxiety, for example. Someone might get stuck planning for every possible outcome, obsessing over worst-case scenarios, and trying to gain control over the uncontrollable. That kind of thinking comes from a good place—a desire for safety and certainty—but it ends up feeling overwhelming. In depression, hopeless thoughts can show up as a kind of self-protection, a way to keep expectations low and avoid more disappointment. And still, we hear advice like “Just think positive,” as if that magically fixes anything. It doesn’t. So the real question becomes: How should we think about our thinking?

One of the most helpful distinctions is between conscious thoughts and automatic thoughts—a foundational concept in cognitive behavioral therapy. As Dr. Judith Beck explains in Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond, conscious thoughts are the ones we deliberately choose to think, while automatic thoughts arise quickly and involuntarily, often shaped by past experiences, belief systems, and core schemas¹.

Conscious thoughts are the ones we choose to think. If I ask you to think, “I’m enjoying this article,” and you do—it’s a conscious thought. You have agency over it. You’re deliberately generating it. (And yes, I genuinely hope that’s how you feel so far.)

Then there are automatic thoughts. These are the ones that show up without warning. You didn’t invite them—they just arrive. That’s because automatic thoughts are shaped by things outside your control: genetics, culture, upbringing, brain chemistry, past experiences. So when we ask how to think about our thinking, we really need two answers—one for conscious thoughts, and one for automatic ones.

Let’s start with conscious thoughts. Here, we have some control. And the best mindset shift is this: stop labeling your thoughts as “positive” or “negative.” Start asking, Is this thought useful?

Because honestly, some “positive” thoughts aren’t helpful at all. Telling yourself you’ll ace an exam without studying might feel optimistic—but it’s not useful. In fact, it’s a setup for failure. And some “negative” thoughts are actually very healthy. If you’ve lost a loved one, thinking “This hurts so much” is painful—but real. Honest. Human. So the emotional tone of the thought isn’t the issue. It’s the utility. Try asking: Is this thought helping me? Is this a useful way to see the situation? Is there a better way to talk to myself right now? Utility over positivity. Every time.

Now, automatic thoughts are trickier. They’re fast, emotional, and often harsh. This is the kind of thinking most therapists work on with clients. The key here is metacognition—becoming aware of your thinking patterns and observing them, rather than absorbing them. You want to act like a researcher of your own mind.

When a thought pops up, pause and ask: Is this 100% true? If I act on this thought, will it help me long-term? Is there a more balanced version of this thought? You don’t have to believe everything your brain tells you.

You can also try defusion techniques—tools that help you get some distance from your thoughts. One of my favorites comes from Dr. Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap². It’s called the cartoon character technique. You imagine your automatic thought being said by a cartoon character—SpongeBob, Goofy, whoever. It’s funny, disarming, and it takes away the emotional weight.

Another great approach comes from Dr. David Burns, outlined in his book Feeling Great³. It’s a reframing strategy where you challenge a thought by breaking it down. Say your automatic thought is, “I’m inadequate.” You might respond with, “Sure, I’m inadequate in some areas—but I’m also capable in many others.” You’re not lying to yourself. You’re giving your brain a more complete, realistic narrative. Over time, these kinds of responses become automatic too—and the original thoughts lose their grip.

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References

¹ Beck, J. S. (2021). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
² Harris, R. (2008). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Trumpeter.
³ Burns, D. D. (2020). Feeling great: The revolutionary new treatment for depression and anxiety. PESI Publishing & Media.